i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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