I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
