I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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