For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
