I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
