Dude my mom stole all your condoms
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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