Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
