The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You're like the curious george of whores
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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