is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
