I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
