I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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