I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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