C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
