She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
