Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just found puke in my bra..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
