yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
