True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
