If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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