if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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