That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
