Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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