I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
