I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
