He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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