Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
