I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
