Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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