Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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