Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
