I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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