It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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