I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
