Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He's a Shit stain on my heart
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
