What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
