My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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