Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Randomize
