apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think im going to throw up on grandma
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
