We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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