Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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