that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
