Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
