He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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