Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
