sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
