i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
