If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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