To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
