i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need to sanitize my soul.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
