Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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