so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
