moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
