Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
